So you’re going to have a baby? Congratulations!
Here’s what it’s like.
1. When you first go into labor, you feel all…
2. Then labor really starts up, and you quickly change to
What is haaaaaaaaappening to meeeeeeeeee…???
3. Then the baby is born, the pain fades immediately, and you’re all
Just leave me alone with this bundle of snuggle forever.
4. Most babies look like old men at first, but that doesn’t matter because to you the baby is the cutest thing in the history of the planet
Awwww… she looks just like Willard Scott but in a cute way!
5. Then you bring the baby home and realize babies don’t come with instructions…
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET A ONESIE ON THIS TINY HUMAN WITHOUT BREAKING IT?
6. Aaaaaand you meet your new best friend, Mr. Sleep Deprivation
Didn’t know you could survive on eighteen minutes of sleep a week, didja?
7. You change 842 diapers a day and have no idea how a creature who only drinks milk can produce so much disgusting poo
I swear sometimes the full diapers weigh more than the baby.
8. When you fiiiiiinally get a baby down for a nap and the doorbell rings, you wonder if that is grounds for justifiable homicide…
It’s the only time in your life you won’t be excited to see what the UPS guy is delivering.
9. If you breastfeed, it will be no secret to you when your body is ready to feed the baby.
Please excuse me; I have turned into a human fountain.
10. You’ll be exhausted beyond words, but filled with joy all the same. You won’t be able to help looking at that new baby and thinking to yourself…