Daylight Savings Time surprises me biannually with its awfulness.
Pre-kid, DST is annoying. You have an extra cup of coffee or try to go to bed a little earlier.
Post-kid? DST is the kind of thing for which Dante needs to invent another circle of H-E-double-hockey-sticks in his Inferno.
If you, like me, are muttering ill sentiments toward DST, maybe a laugh or two will help ease the pain.
Why Daylight Savings Time is Every Parent’s Nightmare
1. The inevitable late (in spring)/early (in fall) waking
Spring: Oh crud, we are late for the thing. The thing that is usually an hour later than now, but because the universe is a terrible place, has been moved an hour earlier.
Fall: Am I late? Oh no, it’s an hour later. Did I set the clocks back? What time is it actually? WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT?!
2. The first meltdown
The four-year-old: “What do you mean we don’t have time to make pancaaaaaaaaaakes?!”
3. “We will get out the door in time, so help me…”
HOW CAN YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE YOUR SHOES ARE?!?!?!?!
(Also, if you think pastors’ mornings aren’t just like yours in terms of trying to wrestle an uncooperative brood into khakis and matching socks, you are wrooooooong.)
4. Finally getting out the door with only a few seconds to spare
Yes, the baby is wearing two different plaids, the preschooler is still mad about the pancakes, and my hair is doing that weird flip-out-to-the-side thing that needed a good five minutes with the flat-iron that we simply didn’t have, but we made it!
Where’s our medal? We seriously deserve one.
5. “Whoops, the car seat is in the other car, the one that’s parked three blocks away and we didn’t grab the keys for…”
“Mommy, why does your face look like that?”
“Because, honey, Daylight Savings Time is ruining my life.”
6. Trying to get the kids to nap in the afternoon
Dear kid: When I asked you to pick out a book to read, I didn’t need you to choose one from the living room and then sit on it and scoot allllllll the way down the hallway to your bedroom on your new book-sled-bottom at a snail’s pace.
But thanks for thinking that’s what I meant.
Dear baby: eighteen minutes of snoozing is SO NOT A REAL NAP.
7. The kids, after napping for eighteen minutes instead of their usual ninety
Yeah. It’s gonna be a long afternoon.
8. The kids by dinnertime
Rockin’ out to the Muppet Song, eh? On a sugar high even though we haven’t given you any sugar, eh?
This doesn’t bode well.
9. The kids by bedtime
I get it, little guys. Making it through Daylight Savings Time is kind of like surviving jet lag, and that’s no small feat for a small person.
We still love you, even though you have melted down 4,591 times today.
Let’s read some books, snuggle, and talk about why it’s actually bedtime even though it’s still super light outside.
10. The kids, the next morning
“Time for school!”
[5 minutes pass.]
“Let’s get shoes on!”
[5 minutes pass.]
“Time for school! Let’s get shoes– oh, never mind. Let me just physically move you to the front door. Good luck to your teachers!”
The good news is, the fun will go on all week! And again in November!
[She dissolves into maniacal laughter…]
Now pass the coffee and, whatever you do, don’t remind me that we get to do this all over again in eight months.