10 Things No One Tells You About Breastfeeding

pexels-photo-69100Disclaimer: This post is about breastfeeding. It will talk about, you know, breasts. If that makes you squeamish, then this post isn’t for you.

  1. You can eat like a team of oxen and not gain weight

Sure, you might not lose all the baby weight that quickly if you’re eating nine meals a day, but the baby needs milk and milk production takes serious calories.

When else can you have third dessert without worrying about it?

2. Happiness has no greater face than that of a milk-drunk baby

Who knew you could make someone this happy?

3. You’ve turned into a fountain


Ever. Everevereverever.

4. Supply and demand isn’t just for Econ class

Our second son once screamed for hours because I inadvertently threw out one ounce of milk. One ounce. 

A mother’s body is so amazing it will often exactly calibrate milk supply to what her baby needs. She’ll produce more during a baby’s growth spurt, or less during a sleepy season. So do not pump and dump unless you are sure you’ll have enough. Your eardrums (and baby) will thank you.

5. Pieces of your nipple might actually fall off

Wish I was kidding.

6. Mastitis is THE ENEMY

Suggested home remedies for mastitis (breast infection) include things like driving a sterilized sewing needle straight into your nipple to clear a plugged milk duct before it becomes infected. 

Mastitis is so painful several women I know have actually tried this.

So throw away that underwire bra, don’t go too long between feedings, and for the love of all that is good in this world do not sleep on your stomach.

Can’t say I didn’t warn you.

7. Your breasts will change size. Then change size again. Then change size again. Then… you get the picture.

After delivering my first son I bought a whole bunch nursing bras in one size. Two weeks later they didn’t fit, so I bought a whole bunch more. Two months later, none of them fit so I bought one. Lesson learned.

Don’t assume you know what size you’ll be next week until it’s next week. Save your dollars and just buy one or two nursing tops at a time.

8. It’s never been so convenient to pack lunch

My preschooler is a hungry guy, so I can’t leave the house without a whole bunch of different snacks. If I forget enough snacks, we are in for a rough go.

But for the baby? I’m all the meal he needs. SO EASY.

9. Sometimes people get weird about nursing

Breastfeeding is one of the most natural things in the world. No judgment on women who can’t or don’t, but there is nothing weird or scandalous about nursing a baby. This is why women have breasts, people. 

But there are always those people who realize you’re nursing and leave the room, only stare at the ceiling while they speak to you, or worst of all, ask you not to nurse your baby. 

“Can the baby wait?”

Nope, he can’t. He’s a baby.

Can you do that somewhere else?”


10. You won’t get much done for awhile, and that’s okay.

My little guy just got to the age where he gets distracted by the glow of my phone if I’m trying to multitask. So now it’s just him and me for those nursing sessions. No email, no texting, no surfing the Interwebs. I’m getting way less done than I usually do. But I’m spending much more time stroking his velvety little cheek, holding his hand, watching the soft spot on his head pulse with his heartbeat, and marveling that this little person is entrusted to me for these fleeting years.

My house won’t win any awards for cleanliness. I haven’t worked out in a month. But life is pretty sweet indeed.


4 thoughts on “10 Things No One Tells You About Breastfeeding

  1. Wonderful post! I breastfed for the first month and each day I produced less milk until 15 minutes of pumping lead to one drop of goodness. I tried taking supplements/teas for milk production and even sought a lactation consultant… Eventually I turned to formula. Although it was just one month of breastfeeding and pumping, it felt like I went through all 10, except for pieces of my nipples falling apart. I think the worst part was when my baby would bite down and lock her jaw on me lol.


  2. This advice was not very useful to me, as I’ll never be a mother, but this was most enjoyable to read.
    My best to you your sons!


    1. Thanks, compromised! Hopefully it’s good for a laugh even if you’re not a mother yourself.


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